Bereaved Children

Children suffer grief when they lose someone they love.

What happens?

When a child is bereaved, their trust in the world is shattered.
During this vulnerable time, they may need extra support to help them cope with the range of various emotions and changes they may face as a consequence of their loss.

What can you do?

Support should be given in clear and simple language.
It is important not to give them information they have not asked for, but to be guided by their questions, telling them the truth in an age appropriate way.

The best we can do for them is to support them and listen to their fears and anxieties.

Reassure them that certain aspects of their life will continue without change or disturbance.

Tell them it is natural for them to feel as they do.
It is important that they feel included and are given as much detail of the circumstances surrounding the death as soon as possible after the death has occurred.

Involving children, and giving them a choice regarding seeing the dead person, allows them the opportunity to say goodbye.

It can be helpful to describe what this will be like, where it will take place and what the person may look like.

Give them a choice on how they may be involved in the funeral, if culturally appropriate.

If possible keeping to usual activities and routine, such as encouraging them to have contact with friends, and allowing them to return to school offers re-assurance and security.

Always try to let the teacher / school know that a death has occurred.

Changes in responses

Children will respond to the death of an important person in their lives depending on:

Their age and understanding of death
The nature of the relationship with the person who died
The circumstances of the death
The reaction of other family members
The overall effect on the family unit
Their culture and family’s beliefs
Their self-esteem and self worth
Children’s knowledge of death

Stages of understanding –

Children under 2 years
Most have no understanding of death, but fear being abandoned, which may manifest in the child being clingy and a need to be held and comforted.
Children aged 2 to 4 years
The child does not understand that death is permanent and may ask questions like ‘when will mummy or daddy come home?’
Children aged 5 to 9 years
This is the age when they can be preoccupied by death and need to explore their feelings of guilt and responsibility.
Children aged 9 to 12 years
Children understand that death is the end of life. They realise that all living things die, however much loved. They understand that death is irreversible.

Bereaved young people

What can we do?

We can provide counselling and support.

What is counselling?

Counselling is talking with another person who will listen without judging you. They will keep everything you tell them to themselves – so that all you say is private and confidential.

How many times do I go to counselling?

It’s up to you. The average is 1 session of 1 hour per week for 12 weeks.

But, you can stop whenever you like – even during the session.
Your counsellor can go to your home, college or school, or you can come to our counselling room.

How can it help?

While friends and family can be supportive – talking to one of our counsellors gives you the opportunity to say things you are not able to tell friends and family.

You are free to explore your feelings.

Helping you to make some sense of it all.

Why?

Other people may not understand
Other people are also hurting
You feel you don’t want to cry in front of your friends
You can learn how to cope with future deaths and other loses.

How should I feel when someone dies?

Everyone feels differently:

You may feel sad – guilty – lonely – alone desperate suicidal.
You may also feel happy or relieved.
All these feelings are natural
Often what you want most is normality – wanting to go to college or school and going out with friends are normal things to do.

To refer a young person please email us